So, tomorrow is Valentine's Day. My first V-day alone in 18 years. I have mixed emotions. There is a part of me that is sad and mourns what I have lost. Then the bitch in me kicks in and says, He will be WITH someone else tomorrow and not you. He will give/get cards, flowers, cute-sy little teddy bears that say "I love you" or "you're my main squeeze". I think I would be alot sadder if he was alone. But he has someone. Why should I waste my time mourning him, when he is FUCKING WITH SOMEONE ELSE. I need to get that thru my head but somehow I can not seem to wrap my brain around it. I told him the other day, I feel as if he has died but he's not dead. Like I can't have him but he's still mine. It's strange.

I reminded every guy that came thru the store today to pick up a 'lil sumtin' sumtin' for their woman. No man in this town has any excuse. I considered it a public service. One guy was shopping with his wife in the morning, and I said, don't forget tomorrow is valentine's day and I winked at his wife. He came back alone in the afternoon to buy flowers and a card. Just call me Cupette.

I have several Valentine's to be happy for tomorrow. Sheli and Ally, Cassie and Kyle, Jenny and Sarah. My friends and family. Tommorrow is going to be an awesome day. I have stickers and hershey kisses for the kids, maybe I will give a chocolate kiss or two out to some hot guys, who knows!

I have a crush on a delivery guy right now. I think he may have a crush on me too. I dunno. We always talk when he comes in, ya know exchange banter back and forth, an occasional sexual inuendo (sp?), he always tells me how beautiful/attractive/lovely I am, but always in a joking manner, so that could be innocent. I mean I flirt like that with people and don't have a crush on them, it's all fun.

Here is my problem. I look forward to his Monday thru Friday visits. If I miss him, I am disappointed. Once, I kept missing him for a week, and when I finally saw him, I went running up to him and we hugged. He hugged me back, I know he did, and it wasn't the least bit uncomfortable. Today he kissed my head/hair and wished me a Happy Valentine's Day as he was leaving. Ok, so that wasn't the problem, here is the problem: I don't know what to do about it. I really think he should have asked me for my number or to grab a bite or something by now. So maybe I am just dead wrong. All I know is I think it would be awesome to sit on the couch, and watch a movie, with my head on his chest and his arm around me.

So what do I do? I need advice from my internet support group. PLEASE.